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At times, Jay Spring believes he is “unmatched in his abilities”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his grandiose moments can become “detached from reality”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you think, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are typically followed by a “sudden low”, a period when he feels sensitive and ashamed about his behavior, rendering him especially susceptible to negative feedback from external sources. He began to think he might have NPD after looking up his traits online – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. But, he questions he would have taken the label if he hadn’t already reached that understanding personally. When someone suggests to somebody that they have this disorder, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – most notably if they experience a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they made for themselves. And in that mindset, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Although people have been called narcissists for more than a century, the meaning can be ambiguous what is meant by the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains a leading researcher, noting the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people keep it private, because of significant negative perception around the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “a lack of empathy”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to seek admiration through things like displaying material goods,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Although three-quarters of people diagnosed with the condition are men, research suggests this number does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is under-identified. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” says a young adult who posts about her dual diagnosis on social media. Frequently, the two disorders co-occur.

Individual Challenges

“I really struggle with receiving negative comments and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that the issue lies with me, I often enter self-protection or I completely shut down.” Even with this behavior – which is known as “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her support system, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her past. My past relationships were toxic to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to manage her condition better, and she says she and her significant other “operate with an understanding where I’ve instructed him, ‘When I speak manipulatively, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked positive role models during development. “I’ve been learning over the years which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because it wasn’t modeled for me growing up,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my family members were insulting me during my childhood.”

Origins of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with childhood challenges. Heredity is a factor,” notes a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting certain expectations. They then “persist in applying those same mechanisms as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve high marks and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

In adulthood, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, like him, finds it hard to manage emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the stuff that goes on in my head”, he explains – it was surprisingly, she who initially thought he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an diagnosis and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for psychological counseling through national services (a long period of therapy is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: “They said it is likely to occur early next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his condition, because “negative perceptions are widespread that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has come to terms with it. This understanding allows me to comprehend my actions, which is always a good thing,” he explains. All of the people have acknowledged their condition and are looking for support for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the condition. But the existence of online advocates and the rise of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number